I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize