my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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