What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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