he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
