I'm jealous of your bromance
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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