I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
