i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
