I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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