its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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