The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had sex on a roof
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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