You just made me feel so damn special
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
