Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
