Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I won the penis lottery.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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