my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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