I think my vagina is haunted
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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