Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
