Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have aggressive nipples.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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