Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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