to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
