Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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