Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
