He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
