Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
