i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize