I cockslap morals
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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