i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
