I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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