My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
