I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize