I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize