She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
