Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
