My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize