so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
