a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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