I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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