Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
