Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize