To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
