I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
