Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
