your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
