I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
