Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
