D3 body, D1 cock
from now on my penis is your penis
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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