making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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