That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
