I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
