You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
