some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
