ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
