i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
