all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
