and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
