Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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