What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
