I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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