I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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