8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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