Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
