life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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