so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
