guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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