I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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