I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
