Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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