Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
