when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
