please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
