You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
