Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
