the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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