Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
